Birth Day: May 11

Likes:  Music and Reading

Dis-Likes:  Soul Suckers

Something you may not know about Heather:  She is a certified 'Coon-Ass' born in the great state of Louisiana ( we aren't telling the year)

Astological Sign: Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened.  You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.  They are very likely to own a door mat that reads, "For shizzle, welcome to my hizzle."

Birth Day: April 12

Likes: Ninjas

Dis-Likes: Dumb People

Something you may not know about Kerry:  He is actually a freakishly tall midget

Astological Sign:Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses.  Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler.  Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.